Hi. My name is Kaitlin & I’m a proud Pinterest addict.
I could spend countless hours perusing Pinterest’s endless craft ideas, quotes & cute clothes. I am particularly fond of the Quotes category, as I often find a few nuggets of knowledge that are applicable to what I’m going through.
What I’m finding, though, is that there aren’t a lot of inspirational quotes on how to let go of an amazing dad who has emotionally disconnected himself from his entire family. There aren’t a lot of quotes on how to wake up every morning & know that you probably won’t hear from your dad because he chooses to not have a relationship with you because of his wife… while living 10 minutes down the road and having a phone perfectly capable of calling or texting.
My existence for the past few years has been wearing this wounded, rejected, misunderstood skin… a skin that, while living with my father & his wife, I desired to pour the pain out of, but was never “brave” enough to.
The incredible thing about our largest organ is that it remakes itself. While being unsure of any numbers related to how quickly we regrow our skin, I Googled it, as members of my generation typically do. This is the answer I got: Humans shed about 600,000 particles of skin every hour – about 1.5 pounds a year. By 70 years of age, an average person will have lost 105 pounds of skin. Humans shed and re-grow outer skin cells about every 27 days – almost 1,000 new skins in a lifetime.
Although I’ve shed 36 pounds of skin in my 24 years, my 2 most prevalent scars are still visible. I’ve got one on my forehead that some affectionately call my Harry Potter scar. As a toddler, I fell & hit my head on the corner of a step at my grandparents’ house. Still to this day, my Mamaw makes sure the great-grands are safely crawling or walking up & down those steps. The other scar is on my left arm. I yanked my mom’s hot curling iron off the bathroom counter & guess where it landed… I remember crying from the pain, but being really upset that I couldn’t go to play with my cousins at their house, as had been the plan.
My emotional wounds have developed scar tissue, just as the gashes & burns have. They are testimony to God’s love, purpose & grace. I know that God is using & will continue to use my scars to bring glory to Himself, as He can also do with your scars if you let Him. That’s not to say that they don’t, every once in a while, bleed a little. Yes, they still hurt from time to time. My biggest pain source is my dad. Grieving someone who’s still alive hurts, to put it simply. Even in the moments when my heart is breaking & I thought it couldn’t break anymore, I always end up at the same X that marks the spot… the same treasure chest full of jewels from Hebrews 13 (Amplified Version):
I will never [under any circumstances] desert you [nor give you up nor leave you without support, nor will I in any degree leave you helpless], nor will I forsake or let you down or relax My hold on you [assuredly not]!”
Viewing hardship as something God is working for the good can be tough, especially when the pain is continually inflicted. How can I have a new skin if new wounds are created every morning when I wake up & am rejected by my father? In my experience, being intentional has made all the difference. I make an effort to choose to see the Lord in my past & present, while having faith that He’s shaping my future.
I’ve seen God in the midst of what I’m going through, even though sometimes it is after having gone through the thick of the yuck & muck. He was in my choice to not self-harm. He was in the listening ears of those I could trust, when I wasn’t entirely sure I could trust anyone. He is in the tools I receive in therapy. He is in the epiphanies, the new ways of thinking. He is in the smiles of my unofficial niece & nephews (my cousins’ kids) that bring joy to an otherwise brokenhearted family. He is in the revealing of truth. He is in the laughter of my Mamaw. He is in the bonds that are stronger because of what my family & I have experienced.
In the Lord, there is new life, a new skin to take on. This skin is not wounded. It is whole because the Lord restores! This skin is not rejected. It is accepted because the Lord loves unconditionally! This skin is not misunderstood. It is understood because the Lord made me!
The quote in the photo at the beginning of this entry is a quote I found on… guess where! Pinterest! (I seriously have a problem…) I love the quote for its simplicity, depth & how we can all insert ourselves into it. We all have a wound that is deeper than any other. We all have access to God, who can work in & through our wounds, leaving glory trails everywhere He goes.