I’m in the passenger seat. You can ride along in the back, if you want.
Did you put your seatbelt on? We don’t want to get a ticket.
In the driver’s seat is my father’s wife.
Look out the window & you’ll see a car dealership to your right. Ahead is a stop light. The rhythm of the left turn signal fills our ears as we await the green-as-grass light.
The driver is talking, so listen up.
She says that the chance of me getting a divorce is pretty high because of the situation with my parents.
She wasn’t wrong, however, I believe her intentions were. She was trying to instill in me a belief that I had already failed without ever having attempted to overcome the challenge… the odds were stacked against me & I was just a teenager. There was nothing I could do to change how I fit the statistics.
I recently read the following:
If your parents were divorced, you’re at least 40 percent more likely to get divorced than if they weren’t. If your parents married others after divorcing, you’re 91 percent more likely to get divorced. This could be because witnessing our parents’ divorce reinforces our ambivalence about commitment in a “disposable society,” says Divorce Magazine publisher Dan Couvrette. “In most people’s minds, it’s easier to get a new car than fix the one you’re got.”
Well. Dang. I fit in both of those categories. 131 % chance I’ll get divorced. The odds are NOT in my favor. Thanks Mom & Dad! I really appreciate you ruining my statistical chances of having a long lasting marriage. You’d think standing before God & making a lifelong commitment to one another would seal the deal. I’ll go a step further & say that having children with someone should especially tie you together for the rest of your lives. *End lament here*
In sinfulness and selfishness, marriage and family can be destroyed. I’m a product of a destroyed marriage & family. What a yucky, unclear existence, especially for an 8 year old to process… my parents aren’t abiding by the family structure God created… so where do I fit in? How do I relate to others & their families? These questions are only 2 of many children have when being thrown into this situation.
As a young adult, I am working in therapy to overcome some of the conflict styles, etc. that I had modeled before me by biological & step parents. I am working to climb over the tall wall of statistics that is 131% high, 131 % against me. At times, I feel like I can’t reach the next ledge to grab onto… I can’t get my foot situated just right… my fingers are aching from holding on… my body clinging to the wall so I won’t fall all the way back to living thoughtlessly, unintentionally, allowing what I saw modeled before me becoming me.
I have 2 options here. I can fall as described above… full of fear and failure, hopeless. The other option is to let go of the wall, asking God to take me and the situation where He wants it to go. I think I’ll go with option 2.
He’s already working. He’s already taking me higher than 131%. He’s already giving me strength to overcome.